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(and how I plan to fix them) (And other things to do with a partner before heading up the wall)

Fix it.

• Mention the time it takes to do everything
  • Continuing timing things for myself but don’t time other people unless they request it
• Ask “Why are you doing it that way?” or “Why aren’t you doing it this (aka “my”) way?
  • Say “walk me through what you’re doing” or just let them do it their way unless it look immediately dangerous
• Respond with curt “No” or “That won’t’ work” if someone suggests something I don’t agree will work
  • If it’s not going to be dangerous, let it be.
  • If it’s going to put the other person in a difficult situation say “I’ve done that before and this happened, I did this to fix it, I now do this.” BUT let my partner do whatever they want as long as it’s safe.
• Obsessively focus on time
  • Let time go. We’ll get to the top or we’ll bail. If there’s a point of no return, have a discussion with my partner concerning whether it’s cool for both of us to continue
• Comment on the amount of weight that my partner is bringing
  • Let it go.
• Compare my speed to my partner’s speed
  • Why even do this? Just climb
• Tell my partner that “you need more practice and this is how you need to do it”
  • Let my partner be a fucking adult. If you really don’t think that they can do something then don’t climb at that point with them, otherwise, go up and enjoy their company, that’s why they’re there idiot.
• Point out the things that my partner is doing “wrong”
  • Unless it’s a safety issue, ignore what is going “wrong” and focus on what is going right, make a mental note and bring it up after the climb is completed and we’ve had time to decompress and frame it as “How did X part of the climb go”
• If something is a safety issue, (unless it’s immediately unsafe like unclipping me from the anchors etc)
  • All the above stuff has the caveat of “unless it’s a safety issue” but I still don’t want to be short and rude with a safety issue as well. In these situations first ask for the “walk me through what you’re doing” then say “I think this might be a safety issue for these reasons, and explain my experiential reasons”, AND THEN LISTEN to my partner to see if I’ve misunderstood anything. Make the decision together.

Things to do that aren’t reactive to assholery and more preventative and good practice.

• Sit down with partner and review everything we’re going to do on the wall (ie: how the hauling will work, how the cleaning of weird pitches will work, who will do what pitch, free vs aid, belay changeovers, tagging gear, managing the pig, etc) after all this is what Mark Hudon suggests and does (even though he’s known to be a kind of an asshole on the wall) doing this first allows for less surprise on the part of each partner as to what the partner is doing way the fuck down there or way the fuck up there.
• Give yourself an extra day to do everything. Yes this will mean less walls because of work and such but at least the wall can be fun instead of stressful for me and my partner due to my own stress
• Make sure that you’re getting appropriate rest, water, and food in the week leading up to the climb. If home life is stressful, spend the last few days either at mom’s house or sleeping in car, at a friend’s house, or fuck it, rent a room in a hotel.
• If I’m worried about climbing with someone, don’t climb with them. Only climb with people I’m stoked to climb with. Period.